Just Keep Choosing Love

It must be a season for throwing myself into new ventures, because I've just acquired my first parenting book: Calm Parents, Happy Kids. This is not in search of an answer to a particular complaint, but mainly out of interest, curiosity, and knowing I will surely find some much needed nuggets of gold in there.

Dr. Laura Markham, the author, came to my aid when I was wondering how to negotiate my days with my strong-willed first born. I think her brother is outdoing her already, so it will be good counsel to remember and reuse a little further down the line...

After coming across her article online some months ago, I thought I'd give her book a try. My reading window of opportunity presents itself at night, so I'm not sure I've retained everything, but 30 pages into the book, I was stopped in my tracks;

when you're feeling overwhelmed: just keep choosing love

It seems trivial. Commonsense.
You love them with an unquantifiable, deep-running unshakable love.
You want the best for them, and want to offer them your best.
Not what's left.

But in those moments, when all your buttons are being pushed and you're running on little sleep.
In those moments, when if only they'd listened to you it could have been avoided, again.
In those moments, when they shout out ungrateful comments when you've spent all morning tending to their needs.
In those moments, they are the enemy.

In those moments; just keep choosing love.

In those moments, as far as I'm concerned, choosing love and kindness goes against all reasonable thought and self-righteous feelings of fury. 
But even if they were the enemy, doesn't Jesus turn it on its head and says to love our enemies?

Yes indeed: "Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as Your father is merciful."

There is no way around this one.

Herein lies the key. Is life not made up of choices? At the core, Dr Markham says, every choice is between love and fear. Your life is the sum of your choices.

Such profundity in four simple words. Don't just choose love. Keep choosing love.

Present continuous. I must exercise this discipline of keeping on choosing love.
And I know that this means several times a day, every day of the week.

With my kids.
My spouse.
My neighbours.
My friends.
Myself.

Keep on choosing love.

That might look like letting the kids be free to play with their playdough, and not fearing the spread of mess on/under the table nor the lengthy cleanup that will inevitably ensue. Not to mention the forlorn bits that still find their way on your socks a few days later.
That might look like choosing not to react harshly or defensively to my other half.
That might look like leaving the laundry til later and enjoying a cup of tea.
That might look like just wiping a spilled glass of water from the table top, with no disparaging comments.

Being harsh out of fear will never promote peace or intimate connections.
Fear cannot yield good fruit.
Fear constricts and stifles.

Wasn't it that "there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."?

If every choice is between love and fear, or indeed life and death, let me choose love. Again and again.

Faithful shepherd of my soul
Only through you can I be made whole.
Let me hear the pulse of Your passion,
That mine may beat in harmony
Because You first loved me.

Let not my heart be hardened out of fear, 
Continue to soften me, 
Holy Spirit inhabit me.

You came to reconcile us to one another
And to the Father.
Unwearied is Your love;
Perfect me in Your love.

Paintbrush Revolution

I owe it all to my good friend Claire, and a video she sent me last winter.

It used to be that the dolls that made an appearance in our home eventually "went on a long holiday". It wasn't a solution I was happy with, but this was for lack of a better idea. 

I don't meander the doll aisles all that often, but a quick glance has often been enough to put me off, to put it mildly. The "iconic Barbie" (which I have seen is now getting body shape and colour changes!) and its cousins weren't really something I wanted my girls (and boy!) to relate to or in any way want to emulate. But lo and behold, when I saw that it was possible to change these little creatures into more real and familiar looking friends, I knew this was my cue. I finally had my answer.

We had no dolls in the house anymore, but Finland being a country rich in second hand shops and flea markets I knew this was an endeavor I could throw myself into wholeheartedly! Venturing out into totally unknown territory I acquired all the materials necessary for the task at hand and set out to reconcile myself to the world of dolls and redeem it for my three little saplings. 

My girls were involved from the start, which sparked many a good conversations - with them, our friends, their teachers and friends at playgroup. I learned a new trick with every doll I repainted, and as they underwent the test of time, it became apparent that they would need a final coat of varnish to ensure the paint wasn't going to chip away. My kids helped greatly in making the experiment as genuine as possible; the dolls weren't politely stood on my workshop table.

My mother-in-law has been happily knitting clothes for the dolls, and I've arrived at a place where I'm happy with the results (though being a perfectionist doesn't give me much lenience).

I feel I still have a lot of ground to cover, but I've been so encouraged and had so many good conversations with many other parents, and even have a few keen prospective buyers too!

So, I'll be checking in again as I progress into this new world of opportunity! 

To be continued...


My ears are currently seduced by: Covenhoven - The Wild And Free