Essay Interlude

I was up last night until two, carefully examining the ways of Buddha. I also shifted my attention towards various texts on the raving culture in Britain - quite a move from Southern Asia, but a domain equally interesting for my non-initiated clubbing self. This morning, when my alarm clock went off at seven, my eyes remained shut and my limbs went numb on me. As each one of us knows, logic flies out the window when one is in this semi coma state. It didn't take long for me to fall back to sleep, only waking 20 minutes before I would've had to leave to get to my first seminar on time. I was at a crucial crossroads of my life, at an unsuitable time for making any wise decisions: either I got up and went to class, sharing the depth of my acquired knowledge on Buddha, or I stayed snug in my bed a little longer to then devote my whole day to my second essay writing. Now that I am fully awake, I have reasoned that it must have been that extra hour of sleep that tempted me into that second skiving option.

But what am I doing now?

It's one thing to pay lip service to my pillow to make my conscience feel better, but sipping hot chocolate and blogging weren't part of today's programme. At least not until now. But, I do have a valid excuse: I need an outlet for all these thoughts roaming through my mind about this one song I have been listening to for the past hour. I do this a lot, yes, go through passionate phases with one song until my ears ache with monotonous lassitude. Once I get these thoughts down, I will be able to focus all my attention on the Hindu castes; at least I hope so. The particular song I am talking about is "Laden With Guilt" by Isaac Watts, put into music by Caedmon's Call - one of the most thoughtful, insightful, vibrant and inspiring bands, in my humble opinion. Get your hands on their music if you can, it is food to the soul. The first verse resonates with straightforward honesty. I can see it relating to when God seems absent in the midst of our fears and anxieties. But in reality, is wealthy in love and hope throughout His word, even when His presence can't be felt. The second verse just flows from the first, putting into light the preciousness of knowing God, a diamond in the rough; the pearl of our existence. And the last echoes our yearning to abide in Him.

Each stanza of this song instills within me the hope of a new joy.

"Laden with guilt, and full of fears,

I fly to Thee, my Lord,

And not a glimpse of hope appears

But in Thy written Word.

The volumes of my Father's grace

Does all my griefs assuage;

Here I behold my Saviour's face

In every page.

This is the field where hidden lies

The pearl of price unknown;

That merchant is divinely wise

Who makes the pearl his own.

Here consecrated water flows

To quench my thirst of sin;

Here the fair tree of knowledge grows,

No danger dwells within.

This is the Judge that ends the strife

Where wit and reason fail,

My guide to everlasting life

Throughout this gloomy vale.

O may Thy counsels, mighty God

My roving feet command;

Nor I forsake the happy road

That leads to Thy right hand."

Ah, the sun has just made its way out of the clouds and is shining brightly into my room - I love it when that happens, I always like to think God is right there, making His presence known; wrapping His child in His warmth.

...Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. Matthew 13:45-46