Notes And Photographs

I got a postcard today from a friend visiting Barcelona. We used to go to highschool together. I remember times when we had conversations about God, Jehova's Witnesses, how she felt missunderstood by her family... I think she saw me as some kind of "safe place" to come to and talk about what was going on in her life. She moved back to Greece after we were done with our baccalaureate. She's written me on a number of occasions. Just randomely. To tell me what she'd been up to, and asking for my news.

Today this postcard has really humbled me. I never wrote a letter back. It's been two years, and I've lamely let time go by, without writing a single letter back. I've often had the intention to, but never carried it through. She's kept track with where I've been. She wrote to me at home over the summer, she wrote to me at my Parkwood address last year, this year she writes to me at my Guildford address. And I have no clue what hers would be if I were to write. Why she still pursues the whole writting letters to me leaves me completely perplexed. I really don't see any reason why she would still take the time, or even have the thought cross her mind to write to me, out of all people.

You write a letter, and another, and then after while, if the person never writes back, you kind of give up. But she has been so faithful to me. And I just don't understand it. It's beyond me.

It's made me think about a lot of things. Recently, in all honesty, I'm having a hard time juggling my "two lives" - the one back home and the one here at university. Investing myself in people's lives in both 'worlds' is sometimes overwhelming and hard to carry emotionally. When I'm in one place, I can just about stay up to date with what's going on there, but it's really hard for me to keep track with what's going on in my 'other world'. As much as I don't want to, there comes a point where I'm faced with a decision I have to make as to how much I can actually take on and invest in from my 'two worlds' at the same time.

My friend's faithfulness and grace seems to have highlighted my unfaithfulness to some of my friends in my life. When I was back home for Easter, I told a very select few that I was back home for fear of being overwhelmed and then of just having to leave again and leave things hanging. On one occasion, I spent an evening with two highschool friends and when I got home I cried. My heart was so heavy from realising how an existence without God is void of any life and meaning. This longing we have, this "god-shaped-hole" we each have was made so real to me, and seeing them fill it with various things just broke my heart. Seeing my friends go through so much pain is not an easy thing. I'm not saying that the Christian life is always happy, rosy and lovely. On the contrary. But without any compass in life, no wonder they need therapeutic support where God could counsel, no wonder they're hurting where God could heal, no wonder...

I don't want to sound like I'm plugging the Christian life as free of hurt, pain etc. It's just that there is so much hope, life and completeness to be found in knowing God.

I really need to learn to give these things up to God and fight to see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel of their hurt. I need to trust that He's waiting for them and that He's orchestrating everything in their lives for them to meet with Him. I guess it's just hard to see them go through so much pain before filling that void with their Creator. I also need to be more faithful to my friends. If I end up focusing on one world, this university one - which is definitely where my life is advancing - I need to pray for my friends back home. Cause in the end, that's what is important. If distance grows as time unfurls, prayer is the way forward; prayer transcends that distance. Man, I need to move my booty and start praying more.

It all started with a postcard ... but I'm really encouraged to be a faithful friend - I've been reminded of what that can look like today. I don't want to be full of empty promises, but I want to be faithful and devoted to my friends, in whichever ways I can, in whichever ways God uses me.

My ears are currently seduced by: Burlap To Cashmere - Anybody Out There?