Apathy, Don't Consume Me

Over the past week or so, I've had glimpses of how good and grand God is. In times of worhsip, in conversations, in sunsets, in reading the bible ... just glimpses.

Ephemeral revelations of an eternal God.

Getting out of that particular context in which I was stirred was enough to keep my mind busy on other things and move on. My mind was often too crowded to acknowledge God's presence.

Listening to one particular cd yesterday was enough to derail me off the tracks of my routine-like familiarity. The opening track starts with a proclamation of Ephesians 1:16-19, which threw me off right away. I stood broken at the thought that I had let my passion fizzle away after each recent encounter with God; that my faith had become mediocre and inconsistent - I just wanted more of God right then. I just wanted to regain that unashamed passion. I stood broken at my arrogance, the fact that I had fooled myself into thinking that I knew all that there was to know about God. I stood broken at the reality that I had not invited this glorious God into my life for more than a moment a day.

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength which he exerted in Christ when He raised him from the dead and seated Him at his right hand in the heavenly realms...

There is so much more room for God in my relationship with Him. I know nothing. He exceeds everything that I could ever come to conclude, He exceeds any kind of knowledge I could have of Him - I'll never reach the ceiling of knowing God. Who am I to think I've figured God out?

Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. John 21:25

I want to know, experience, acknowledge, be moved by and excited about Him so much more! To put it in Mr. Natali's words: "I want an encounter with life, a struggle, a race, be a wave crashing into the rocks on the beach." I want to be alive.


The spirit of wisdom and revelation.
The glory of His inheritance.
The eyes of my heart: enlightened.
His incomparably great power.
Sweet illumination.
His mighty strength.
The hope to which He has called me.


Father, thank You for breaking me, for humbling me, for opening my eyes and heart to Your astounding glory and majesty. How can I ever stand in Your presence and not be transformed? How can I walk away from our times of communion unchanged? How can I forget about You so easily? How can I take You for granted? I just want to burn with passion for You again! I want to be made alive by You.


I mourn my unfaitfulness.
My arrogance.
My mediocre dedication.
My inconsistency.
My weariness.

But I find joy in His extravagant faithfulness.
Restoration in His grace.
Acceptance in His immeasurable love.
Steadiness in His footsteps.
The breath and fire of life in the gift of each new day.


I found the lyrics to one of the very first songs I wrote - evidence shows it's not the first time I find myself in this place:


I sit overwhelmed by my tears,
My heart is pinned with question marks.

And as the world keeps on moving by,
I hear Your voice calling me

To move away from my complacency.

But I need to know that the seeds that I plant will grow,
Cause I've traded my passion for this desolation.

These faceless forms are all Your creation,
Inspire me to shine Your light among them.

And as surely as the early spring rains will fall,
You'll shower me and heal the cracks of my faith.

But I need to know that the seeds that I plant will grow,
Cause I've traded my passion for this desperation.

Blow away the ashes and start the fire again.


My ears are currently seduced by: Chris Tomlin - Arriving