Great Balls Of Fire

Whilst the rest of Canterbury was out in the cold, whizzing snowballs at each other, one loser and another pyjamafied dumbo joined their imaginative boredom - aka essay writing procrastination - in an effort to lift their spirits. In the comfort of their own lounge they took on the challenge of the GREAT BALLS OF FIRE. Armed with remarkably rolled paper balls, their own manufactured snowballs, they passionately aimed at their target of an empty PG Tips box, carefully positioned at an equi-distance from the two amazingly qualified participants. Tears of disappointment and shouts of joy filled the house as each ascended and descended the ladder of winner-hood. In the end, the loser took all - she swept the dumbo off the face of the earth with a smashing score of 12 to 11 and took on the hood of winnery, along with Robin's.

I lost. I wear the crown of losery.

Damage Done

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody ... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:9-18, 21

How short can I fall from loving? How heartless can I be? I can be so ugly. So ill-spirited. A glance in the mirror and it makes me want to become a hermit, stay away from people. Put an end to hurting the people I care for. Today I'm reminded of my flawed humanity. I've still got a long way to go, I'm still tripping, still falling. My feet still shift in a clumsy way. I walk with dust in my eyes from the dirt I've kicked up. Faced with my total inadequacy to love as I should, it's a profound mystery that God still does love me. His ways are definitely higher than mine. And His grace is sufficient.


Yesterday, once again
I fell down and broke a friend.
Words were said, out of place
I hope that it's not too late
To right this wrong
Cause I was wrong.

I struck the match
I burned the bridge
I'm to blame for all of it
I lost your trust
When I drew my sword
This distance is my just reward.
Can I undo the damage done?

Couldn't sleep, part of me
Was crying out from hurting you
So afraid you would say
There is nothing I can do
To right this wrong
I was wrong.

Listen friend, I must confess
You deserved more,
I gave you less.
It tears me up
That I let you down
I'm sorry.


- Shaun Groves -

Oh Yeah!

This is my new favouritest song in the whole wild world - crank up the sound and check it out!

Altitude With Attitude

At 2336 meters, I sensed the miracle of life rush within me again. It was a few good days of walking on sunshine and feeling the music under our feet. The knee-high powder seduced us and we spent our days signing the glistening snow with our traces in the forest, hidden from the noisy crowds. We ventured ourselves to places unknown, where the snow was still untouched and pure - in that quiet wilderness, the sense of intimacy with the Creator was immeasurably grand.

In sum, we floated on the powder with delight, I hung on to branches for dear life - the dead ones didn't seem to care much about the critical state I was in and gave way, but I guess that in their old age they were wise enough to know what they were doing, as I'm still around. I uttered not very pretty words at the pain of having to ride in the same position, with all my weight put on the same leg while going over a flat bit that lasted way too long. I also had my times of getting stuck in the powder - I think I've definitely done my workout for the next three coming weeks. We rested in the sunshine while picnicking over viande sèche, jambon, pain de seigle and gruyère. We watched black squirrels leap from branch to branch, and big alpine birds fly around us. I, especially, stoked up on the cheese I am usually deprived of, we ate fondues. Eloi and I beat my dad at fussball though he refuses to admit it, we played cards by the fire at the chalet, I got myself a beautiful goggle tan which was swift to fade away. We laughed until we got cheek and stomach cramps. I caught myself singing a Shania Twain (!) song while snowboarding, it don't impress me much! I broke a guitar string in an overly unsmart way - i'll just leave it at that. And, of course, I took an excessive amount of pictures of which a carefully reduced selection follows...

my dad in all his splendor :)

"Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather." John Ruskin

"I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in." John Muir

Love Alone

No one would love me
If they knew all the things I hide,
My words fall to the floor
As tears drip through the telephone line.

And the hands I've seen raised to the sky
Not waving but drowning all this time,
I'll try to build the ark that they need
To float to you upon the crystal sea.

Give me your hand to hold
Cause I can't stand to love alone,
And love alone is not enough to hold us up
We've got to touch your robe
So swing your robe down low,
Swing your robe down low.

The prince of despair's been beaten
But the loser still fights,
Death's on a long leash
Stealing my friends to the night.

And everyone cries for the innocent,
You say to love the guilty too,
And I'm surrounded by suffering and sickeness
So I'm working, tearing back the roof.

And the pain of the world is a burden
And it's my cross to bear
And I stumble under all the weight,
I know you're Simon standing there,
And I know you're standing there.

Give me your hand to hold
Cause I can't stand to love alone,
And love alone is not enough to hold us up
We've got to touch your robe
So swing your robe down low,
Swing your robe down low.

- Caedmon's Call -

Treasures In Heaven

I don't want my life to merely edge on the path less traveled. I'm not interested in leading an ordinary life, I don't want to sink into the mundane. My stubborness also bore its good fruits at times, and my rebellious nature has always pushed me into wanting to be a non-conformist. If everyone is reading one particular book, I'll deliberately choose not to open it. I had to wait until the Lord of the Rings fandom had tamed itself down before watching any of the movies. Pop music isn't interesting - everyone already knows about it. Smoking up at school was the cool thing to do - it never awoke my taste buds.

But why is it that I constantly give into consumerism? What is it with my continual thirst for more? What of my yearning for comfort in material things? For things to make my life easier?

It's been a few weeks now that a gentle tug has made itself known to my heart: 'Store up treasures in Heaven'. What am I actually doing about it? Not much at all, as of yet. I walk into my room and the endless amount of small clutter just gives me a headache. The pictures and posters on my walls, once reflections of my life, are now a suffocating and haunting trail of the clutter I live in. I feel enclosed within my four walls - all I would want to do is open the window and fly out. I've become tired of myself - my supposed "need" for more. More. And more.

If I acted upon my thoughts, I'd leave everything behind for a while, go to a place I've studied, like Kerala in India, to learn about humility within the untouchable caste. Learn the secret of knowing what it means to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Leave room for Him to increase, and for me to decrease. Experience a faith where all there is to hope on is God, and not some back-up plan, in case God doesn't come through. To this day, I've still got one hand in His, while the other is holding on to this world, and what it has to offer - which amounts to nothing at the end of the day.

Even though discovering little-known bands is one of my hobbies, I've given up buying cds for lent. And it's just as well; liberating in fact. I got a text from my sister the other day saying we should fast together one day a week. Though the suggestion appealed to me, I wondered what I would be fasting about. And right then it all fell into place. 'Store up treasures in Heaven' resounded louder than ever.

Invade My All

As I watch the gentle snow
Find its way and soflty settle
I long for our lost intimacy,
I long to lose myself in only You.

In the beauty of Your grace,
Come find me in my brokenness.
Thirty pieces of silver: an easy substantial trade,
I've edged You out once more.

In this quiet place
Invade my heart,
Invade my life.

In the name of distraction
I've lost myself, I lost sight of You.
And I stumble over my own confusion.
Please fill me to overflow.

I wish I'd remember You're all I need,
Remember and believe.
I always seem to take the lead
And I'm in this place again, out of breath.

All I have now are Your arms
To fall into.
Faithful, even when I am not,
In You I find my rest.

In this quiet place
Invade my heart,
Invade my life.

Invade my all.

There's a fine line drawn between His will and mine, and I've been dancing on the battleground for too long. It's about time I follow His heart rather than my mind, and learn the steps to His simple dance.

Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to Him than birds. (Matthew 6:26)

I owe thanks to my friend Patrik, an inspiring example of a lifestyle of simplicity.

Pride Proceeds The Fall ... into bracedom

My claim to fame used to be that I still had one baby tooth that had never fallen out, at the age of 18. It never occured to me that while this baby tooth had no intention to be taken away by the Tooth Fairy, the adult tooth was feeling useless and therefore decided to grow in some other place, in the pursuit of a purpose for its existence (it should have been reading The Purpose Driven Life instead). I happen to belong to the category of people disliking numerous visits to the dentist. As a result, I wasn't confronted with the consequences of what a baby tooth outliving its purpose meant until it was too late. Too late to do anything about it without calling upon our wonderful high-tech-for-the-teeth's intervention. I was given a choice of three different ways to seek remedy to the posed problem. Which really is quite a luxury. I could either get both my baby and adult teeth removed and fill the gap with a fake tooth. Alternatively, I could have the baby tooth removed, have a big complicated bleh demanding surgery done on my adult tooth to pull it back in place, and have braces put on to make room for it to grow back to its assigned place. Still, though this option was never proposed to me, I could have just settled for the toothless look. But, I reasoned that the no-tooth look was perhaps a little premature. I also came to the conclusion that to have a fake tooth put in when you have a real healthy one wasn't a very wise thing to do either. So I saved the life of my adult tooth, put my baby one under my pillow and caged-in all the other top teeth with metal bars - also known as braces. Well, 31 months later, two surgeries down the line, all this meticulous work has lead to positive results: my teeth are about to feel the sweet taste of freedom once again, and my adult tooth has been rescued from its wandering path of deviant nature.

On Monday then, I have a hot date with EasyJet, who will be flying me homewards.

(Those of you called Joey need read no further)

Home at the moment looks like it's stuck in the ice age. Everything by the lake is frozen. Cars are frozen down to the ground, tree trunks are covered with ice. Boats are sinking. It's crazy. Things like that never happen when I'm there, funnily enough. But I'm hoping to catch the last remains of the solidified city before leaving to the mountains on Tuesday. You see, I thought it would be benefactory to fit a bit of snowboarding into my trip. It would be pure foolishness not to. Especially since the snow is the lushest right about now. Five days of snow-riding await me and after that, when I return to the city streets of Geneva, the no-more-braces-time will be right around the corner! When that day comes, I've planned to start re-writing my own version of The Purpose Driven Life, which will be aimed at errant teeth. Just watch it become a rival to the original "#1 New York Times besteller".

Just A Fleeting Thought...

I must stay I am still very much amazed at the way people stand in neat lines at the bus stop, out of all places - who really cares who gets in first...but that's just my philosophy, I suppose. It probably would get very messy if that inherent quality the Brits are blessed with was to be thwarted. Well, anyways, I was being sheepish again tonight and stood in the neatly ordered line, waiting for the bus under the light drizzle of the rain, thinking what a wonderful evening it was. In front of me was a couple, and I must confess that I was rudely eavesdropping on their conversation. But it's ok, because it's not as if they were talking about the sunshine, or rather, the non existent sunshine. She was actually complaining about various things, so her tone of voice caught my attention. She went on and on about things that had happened to her during the day and her man just stood there listening to her discontented heart. Without interrupting her, he took her bag from her hands, put it down at his feet and leaned forward to hug her. Her despondency gently faded away and when she lifted her head from his embrace, her frown was turned around and a laugh arose from her comforted heart.

Ok, so I was doing more than just eavesdropping, I was intently STARING at them - no, I was being discrete, do not worry. I was a spy in my previous life.

I actually thought, that's just how my Father's dealt with me, in retrospect to these past weeks especially. I've come to Him with my complaints, my questions, and my frustrations. My misunderstandings, my cynical and calloused heart, my unyielding spirit, and He's simply stooped down to hold me. Hold me until my disheartenment was quietened away. Hold me until a new song was flowing from my heart and laughter was on my lips. He quietly took my burdensome baggage, left it at his feet and sent me off: "Travel light, My child."


"Just close your eyes and listen real close, so close you'd hear your heartbeat. And may its rhythm lull you to rest on this peaceful or unsettled night: For it's the whisper of His love for you. For it's His whisper saying 'I love you'." Koo Chung

Come Away

I catch a glimpse of You,
Come away:
I have something to show you.
Give into Me,
I will delight your heart.

I run after You,
Hide and seek.
Divine moments.

Take me there, a beautiful somewhere.

I halt in awe.
Jubilation overflows.
You beam with splendor,
Your beauty burns in my eyes.
Staring at the radiant sun,
Captivated;
Like a moth drawn to the flame.
I'm blinded by You.
I cannot contain You.

All I'll ever see
Is only a pale reflection,
A glimmering masterpiece.
You're far too great for me
To behold;
I'm consumed by You.

I breathe the air,
Join the birds in their dance;
I let go.
Flying towards Your light
I'm sustained by Your might.
I search for my shadow below,
But it is Yours I see;
Could this be?

Your scintillating beauty
Cascades from the Heavens.

I join creation's burst of praise:
Every tree, every branch,
Every blade of grass,
Everything
Is reaching out for You.

What else can I do
Here, in this place,
Surrounded by You,
Immersed in You,
But bring to You a song of worship?

Essay Interlude

I was up last night until two, carefully examining the ways of Buddha. I also shifted my attention towards various texts on the raving culture in Britain - quite a move from Southern Asia, but a domain equally interesting for my non-initiated clubbing self. This morning, when my alarm clock went off at seven, my eyes remained shut and my limbs went numb on me. As each one of us knows, logic flies out the window when one is in this semi coma state. It didn't take long for me to fall back to sleep, only waking 20 minutes before I would've had to leave to get to my first seminar on time. I was at a crucial crossroads of my life, at an unsuitable time for making any wise decisions: either I got up and went to class, sharing the depth of my acquired knowledge on Buddha, or I stayed snug in my bed a little longer to then devote my whole day to my second essay writing. Now that I am fully awake, I have reasoned that it must have been that extra hour of sleep that tempted me into that second skiving option.

But what am I doing now?

It's one thing to pay lip service to my pillow to make my conscience feel better, but sipping hot chocolate and blogging weren't part of today's programme. At least not until now. But, I do have a valid excuse: I need an outlet for all these thoughts roaming through my mind about this one song I have been listening to for the past hour. I do this a lot, yes, go through passionate phases with one song until my ears ache with monotonous lassitude. Once I get these thoughts down, I will be able to focus all my attention on the Hindu castes; at least I hope so. The particular song I am talking about is "Laden With Guilt" by Isaac Watts, put into music by Caedmon's Call - one of the most thoughtful, insightful, vibrant and inspiring bands, in my humble opinion. Get your hands on their music if you can, it is food to the soul. The first verse resonates with straightforward honesty. I can see it relating to when God seems absent in the midst of our fears and anxieties. But in reality, is wealthy in love and hope throughout His word, even when His presence can't be felt. The second verse just flows from the first, putting into light the preciousness of knowing God, a diamond in the rough; the pearl of our existence. And the last echoes our yearning to abide in Him.

Each stanza of this song instills within me the hope of a new joy.

"Laden with guilt, and full of fears,

I fly to Thee, my Lord,

And not a glimpse of hope appears

But in Thy written Word.

The volumes of my Father's grace

Does all my griefs assuage;

Here I behold my Saviour's face

In every page.

This is the field where hidden lies

The pearl of price unknown;

That merchant is divinely wise

Who makes the pearl his own.

Here consecrated water flows

To quench my thirst of sin;

Here the fair tree of knowledge grows,

No danger dwells within.

This is the Judge that ends the strife

Where wit and reason fail,

My guide to everlasting life

Throughout this gloomy vale.

O may Thy counsels, mighty God

My roving feet command;

Nor I forsake the happy road

That leads to Thy right hand."

Ah, the sun has just made its way out of the clouds and is shining brightly into my room - I love it when that happens, I always like to think God is right there, making His presence known; wrapping His child in His warmth.

...Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. Matthew 13:45-46

Fairy Liquid & Co

It seems like Liz and I always end up mop and sponge in hand, desperately trying to have our house look hygenically certified - whatever that may mean. As I found out, cleaning your house can be quite uplifting and enlightening at times.

A wise man once told me about the benefits of having a single washing product that would be efficient for hair, teeth, bathroom floors, dishes, clothes, ovens etc. Due to a lack of investment in specific cleaning products in our house, we didn't have a choice but to put his idea to the test. All of this in spite of my acute skepticism which I had to repress. Lemon zested fairy liquid was applied to the bathtub, the sink, the toilet and any other possible dirty-looking surface. Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure to announce that this dish soap is very multifunctional indeed. It doesn't limit itself to making your glasses and plates shine, oh no. Our bathtub is glowing with delight and sparkles at you with sheer gladness everytime you approach it. You are free to come bear witness to the many fairy liquid miracles apparent in our humble abode. On Saturday, there will be a special session for which I've arranged the author of this all-in-one-soap hypothesis to make himself available to autograph your fairy liquid bottle.

Secondly, I've discovered a way of knowing whether the people who come round to visit your house as potential housemates are of any good material. Let me explain. Liz and I were deeply engrossed in our cleaning tasks as K's Choice directed our working rhythm and saturated us with the motivation needed to fairy-liquidate every possible hidden corner. Sadly enough, Great Britain isn't all that great on the present-day music market and has no knowledge of or plan to promote this fine Belgium band that goes by the name of K's Choice. However, to save the country's honour, one of our present housemates walked into the kitchen as we were joining the chorus in triumphant harmony, and said "Hey, this is K's Choice!". A wave of hope washed over me - I dropped my sponge and fell to my knees. Hope remained. When I regained my composure, I added up the elements and came up with a deep philosophical theory: Having one of your favourite bands play in the background, while you give a guided tour of your house to your possible future housemates, is the way forward to finding out if they're "the ones". If they pick up on what's playing, they have definitely tasted, seen AND heard what is good for their souls. They should live with you, without the inkling of a doubt. Our two candidates didn't mention anything about the music. On the basis of my theory, we fired them and still remain housemate-less to this day. If any of you are interested, you know what to do to get into the 44 Guildford clan.

In the future, if my theory proves to be true, I might just set up a business. I will have a musical dating agency in my house which will enable my clients to find their "one" by this very same spot-the-band technique. I mean, if people are successful by coming up with ideas such as blind dates or even speed dating, I think the chances for my business to flourish are relatively broad. Some find their "one" off the internet, I will revolutionise the dating industry through my musical approach. Stay on the lookout. Keep your gaze fixed upon the advertisements page of the KM Gazette.