For All You Fans Out There

Woo! I am so very excited about Sarah Betten's cd that I get to buy now that lent is over! (be a witness to my materialistic downfall) :)

She simply rocks my socks off - I want to be like her when I grow up!

For you K's Choice lovers, click here for a live acoustic version of Not Insane, one of the many sweet songs from her solo release. Enjoy!

Beautiful Mystery

...but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"

"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him." At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

Jesus said to her, "Mary."

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).

Jesus said, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.' "

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her.
John 20:11-18


"I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection,
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom."
- Stuart Townend

In The Refiner's Fire

The way God works is full of wisdom and mystery. I guess that makes sense, but still, it's crazy. I was going over an old 'prayer journal' today and one of the first entries, dated 16.03.2003, speaks of a time when my youth pastor had challenged the youth group by asking us what we were ready to sacrifice for God. I still vividly remember that evening and the way I felt after it: under uncomfortable attack. I realised that I basically wasn't ready to surrender anything for God. "If today He'd ask me to leave my home and all my friends behind, all the people who build me up in Christ, I know I'd convince myself it's not really God calling me, and that makes me feel like my faith is completely fake. Also, what big trials have I endured which have put my faith to the test and allow me to say I do indeed live for my God the way I claim to? Of course, I can claim that God is a great provider: look at my awesome family, my deeply rooted friendships, and the beautiful mountains I live by. But never can I say that I have experienced God's providential hand at a time in my life when I was in desperate need - not since I was saved. My life is pretty uncomplicated, and I feel like my faith is just an easy-go-lucky thing - I feel it's superficial."

I've always liked the idea of comfort and of stuff. I've always filled my desk drawers with a lot of useless mess, amassed in the name of sentimental value, or for some other equally superfluous reason – not that sentimental value is wrong, but you should have seen the state of my desk (when I still had one). I never was stirred by the idea of going out in the wild and giving up my own comfort – in all its forms – for God's purposes. Missions work really wasn't something I felt called to at all. Leading worship at that time was what I was pursuing, something I was used in for a while. However, it wasn't long before I arrived in Canterbury to start university, and landed into a church that is musically challenging (that should become a new politically correct term if it isn't one already - anywho). Musically talented people were up front leading the congregation into worship. With time, I revisited my mental 'gift list' and looked for other ways to serve, because I was quick to assume that leading worship at that church was something out of my reach. I once sought answers as to whether I should invest in worship in this new setting or look into other places to grow. I have been and still am asked to lead worship in smaller settings, but God has been taking me down another exciting road too. I've concluded that God is presently putting more emphasis on working on different aspects of my life; now is a time for working on my character rather than on my 'worship leading inclinations'. Not long ago, a missionary with a heart for missions (who would have thought?!) came to revive and light up the fire of reaching out to the nations, he based his preach around Abraham's faith.

Abraham's life of obedience caught my attention; my mouth drops open each time I read about him. When called to go to a place he was to later receive as his inheritance, though he had absolutely no clue where it was he was going, Abraham "obeyed and went". Once arrived, he stayed there even when God didn't clearly manifest Himself with powerful signs and wonders to assure Abraham that he was in fact in the right place. I know that I personally need at least ten thousand confirmations as to where it is God wants to take me, to know that I'm in the right place and that it is, indeed, Him calling me. I recognise myself more in the character of Gideon: "give me a sign that it is really You talking to me ... Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test..." But Abraham was called and he went; he went in humble obedience. He willingly left the comfort of familiarity to go pitch his tent in a foreign land, literally. And, what's more, he died only with the foretaste of the promise he had received. Abraham died in faith that the promise that was made to him would be fulfilled, but never actually came to see it in his own time.

I think I would most probably have given up on God a long time ago. I probably would have wrestled with God on many occasions too. And I know of a lot of things that would have stopped me from following the call. Attachments to a 'here', friends, family, comfort, 'security', the fear of being wrong, of making mistakes... But the Sunday the preacher man came, a hidden longing within me was brought to the surface. If you faithfully read my blog, you'll know that I've already referred to my lack of genuine satisfaction in accumulating things, and have applied the word "simple" to my life with a new direction in mind; He is more than enough, I don't need what I think or what the world around me tells me I do. I've already mentioned I wanted to go someplace where I only had God to depend on and not some back up plan I could lean on, just in case... A place that is void of excess. A somewhere that might be bare of what I consider to be the essentials, but a place that will teach me that ultimately, God and what He graciously provides is enough. A place where His people can teach me more about what life is about, a place where I am brought to humility. A place where God can use me to advance His Kingdom. I don't want to settle for second best; I don't want anything for my life besides what He wills – these words are big and actually scary, and I admit that I definitely don't know what I'm getting myself into but this I know: to lose my life for Him is to gain it.

Friendships are precious, mountains are beautiful as well as great fun to ride and comfort is comfortable and secure, but all these things come to pass. Friendships, most of them will continue in Heaven (I'm working on the ones who aren't as of yet :)), mountains and natural beauty are only a glimpse of God's true glorious beauty which awaits me after my life is spent on earth, snowboarding, well nothing beats that really ;) and comfort…comfort and possessions can be a deceitful security; when they become my prime priority in life, they amount to nothing: they don't fill my soul with any life. God does provide in a wise and perfectly timed way and I want that to sink in more and more; I endeavour to live that out by the inner transformation of God's touch. It's all very well for me to say this now, writing from a place where I'm surrounded by my friends and family, from a comfortable home surrounded by beautiful mountains, a place I know I can always come back to. I realise it won't be quite as easy when actually going through the process of letting go of the people I treasure and the things I'm used to but if that's what God requires of me then I'm willing to sacrifice that. "You've got to give your life for something – my Jesus is worth dying for". And that's who Im giving my life to. Jesus' Kingdom is what I'm giving it for. If Christ sacrificed His life by dying on the cross for me, then nothing He asks me to sacrifice for Him is too hard or too big. "God will not compromise His best for us in the interest of our convenience – Jesus suffered beyond comprehension for us."

Right now, I would love to join a small church based team and go serve somewhere, which is what I'd like to do once I'm done with university. Maybe I'll have something else burning on my heart at that point in my life, maybe this is a life-long calling, maybe one only to last a season. But I'm thinking that I don't want to do this through a big organisation, serving somewhere for only a month and then leave and come back to my comfort haven; I want to get involved in people's lives for a longer period of time, approach things from the inside and build relationships there; I want to get my hands dirty. Between now and then God will undoubtedly be changing my heart towards many other things. For now I'm at university and being used and taught there. We shall see what path He takes me down after that. At the end of the day, one thing is sure: it is simply amazing to see how God's gentle power can change people's hearts.

May I be an instrument of Your peace, an ambassador of Your love, graciously use me for Your purposes, may Your glory be revealed and magnified through Your work in me. Strengthen me with the power that raised Christ from the dead and may my heart be steadfast, Lord You are my only hope.

…Then he called His disciples and the crowds to come over and listen. 'If any of you wants to be My follower,' He told them, 'you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow Me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for My sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will find true life. And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul?' Mark 8:34-37


"Safety is not the absence of danger; it's the presence of God."

Thankful

I'm sitting on my bed, back in my room in Geneva, listening to Ludovico Einaudi. His piano pieces are so soothing. Last time I listened to him was when I was in Starbucks earlier on this week, sipping a caramel macchiato, lost in the maze of answering a question on whether the rise of individual morality has affected our community or not. It's been a month since I've been home, but it feels like I never really left. My dog still boosts my ego when welcoming me back with her jumping crazes - who trained her anyways? She should know better not to jump on people. I catch my parents in the middle of yet another crazy adventure; this time they're about to drive to Vienna, to move stuff into the appartment they have there (sentimental affections tied to Vienna - the place where they met - justifies their crazy idea, I try to tell myself). My house still smells the same, I know I'm home.

But today the garden isn't covered with a blanket of snow - a sight I find particularly appeasing to the soul. It's already time for pistachios and wine in the garden, sitting around sharing pictures and stories, especially for my sister having come back from Thailand. I've already had the chance to hear most of the stories and even though I can't fully relate or understand, the glow in her eyes makes me want to share the excitement with her all over again. I feel a bit torn, even though that's a bit too strong of a word to use, when thinking about my family evolving from a bound nucleus to each of us kids taking our own paths, following in the footsteps of who God intended us to be.

But today the five of us are together; my family as I've known it for the most of my life. My brother is back from his baseball championships. My sister, from Thailand. And me, I'm back from quaint Canterbury. I'm so glad that this is home.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving
and His courts with praise;
give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;
His faithfulness continues through all generations.
- Psalm 100:4-5

I'm Hooked

"General practice has altered a great deal over the years; like everything else it is still changing. So are patterns of disease. But some things have never changed. Hilaire Belloc wrote:

'From quiet homes and first begining,
Out to the undiscovered ends,
There's nothing worth the wear of winning,
But laughter and the love of friends.'

Since family doctors often follow their patients' lives from first begining to undiscovered ends, many of us will agree with Belloc. Friendship is a treasure that cannot be bought, and laughter, I am convinced, can sometimes cure. Despite all our advances in scientific knowledge and technology, the basic needs of the human spirit remain."

Unexpected pearls of wisdom.

I decided to take my sister out to the Canterbury Tales pub and to take a chance on the band "hook" who was playing there tonight (well, technically speaking, last night, but we haven't gone to bed yet, so it's not really Saturday, according to us). I grabbed one of the books off the shelf and opened it right at that page, "One Man's Medicine", by Morris Gibson. It was so good I had to write it down on a stolen leaflet advertising Samphire Hoe, "an amazing place, made from the material dug to create the Channel Tunnel".

The local Canterbury band, "hook", was actually amazing! Good gamble. And guess what? I broke my lent, by buying their cd. It's sealed, not with a kiss, but with pretty cellophane so it will be played only after lent is over. I got home and wanted to write music; it was that kind of band. Hopefully the cd does them justice.

Strange Occurrence

Over the past few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that England is a fine place to put my anthropological skills into practice. No need to go study a remote tribe in the dense Amazonian jungle. No no. Right here is just as good a place to study the ways of people.

A few weeks ago, a meagre amount of snow, 7.562 centimetres perhaps, brought the country to a halt. Warnings were nationally broadcast encouraging people to stay at home and warm their feet by the chimney. Most of my classes were cancelled, the buses stopped running and all the shops in town were closed. A nurse was found dead in front of her house; head 'buried' in the snow and "frozen to death". I am still weighing the plausibility of this incident having anything to do with the "heavy snow fall", but the fact is, the way the media reported it is that the drastic snowfall caused deaths. "Adverse weather" is what they called this natural hazard.

Now, at an approximate two week interval, three rays of sunshine have started warming the face of the earth, and it is definitely time to strip off and start working on that tan. Bikinis, tank-tops, mini-skirts, sandals, shorts (let us not be sexist), towels…they’re all part of the hype. Find a spot and soak up the sun, nevermind the cool breeze. Care to join me for a barbecue? This computer lab already encloses smells of sweat; it is definitely warm out there.

In a nutshell, "there's English logic for you" – (I shan't divulge the source of this great quote).

Make sure to enjoy the sunshine today, tomorrow’s forecast looks threatening to your tan. See you later for the April Showers Report.

"...those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end..."

CapSiZe

Seems I'm no stranger to this place,
And I'm no stranger to your face.
This all looks too familiar
Though I thought I held the answer.

I'll ride with the currents
Til they usher me back to shore,
I gave you all I had to offer
Out there in the open
But the winds have grown colder
And I can't hold you any longer.

I do hope the waves carry you
Towards the springtime of your life
Where rich abundance flows from within
And where the bough in the garden of your soul
Weighs down with bountiful fruit.

Hidden, between night and dark
I'll be on the watch
I'll wait for the light of your ship
To set the horizon ablaze,
I'll swim back to you
If that's what you want me to do.

Let me know of the wonders you see
Make sure to take the sunshine with you.
And I'll let the soft rain kiss my face,
'Some walk in the rain, others just get wet'.

Your presence is still anchored in my heart
As I watch you sail away.

Culture Jammers Unite

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

"Without question, the 'best citizens' are the ones with buying power. Who or what they contribute to isn't of great concern. The sheer capacity to do so is." - Karen Houle

Don't Try This At Home

Red Bull never gave me wings
The royal kind, those worthy of Kings
To fly, far far away
On a cloud of hay
To the land of energy;
They lied to me.

Coffee: decaf, semi-decaf or caffeinated
None should be found discriminated
For none have ever affected me,
No sir, not once do I recall either affecting me.

But how was I to know
That having both was not a wise combo?

That bitter white alkaloid
Left my bed of sleep void.
Ancient wise men warned against smirnoff,
Mixing it with the Bull sends your heart off.
But not one did mention the uselessness in counting sheep
When the Black Bull's high keeps you from sleep.

Thailand: a fine destination
At the hour of sleep deprivation.
A seven hour time difference
Was enough to make my feet leap over the fence,
Down to the telephone line I ran
For a buffet of laugh-all-you-can.

I did fly in the end,
Over the many slumber hours my eyes did fend.

Never shall I once again try
To bring together coffee bean and bull
I shall leave the wretched mammal graze on his succulent rye
While the shades on my eyes I will pull.

Spy Power For Peanuts

I was originally going to write about my 'gig' at the Canterbury Tales last Saturday BUT sadly enough the pictures of myself playing won't upload - so I will have to postpone my vain and conceited moment until I figure out how to get those pictures to work, and ramble on about something else instead... :)

Today's been a good day. The listening-to-Jimmy-Eat-World-kind-of-mood day. The first amazing thing about today is that I took books out of the library - something I NEVER do. Sorry, that's a lie. I did once, in my first year. You see I was nailed in bed during fresher's week , so never had a chance to make friends the "regular way". Ah, the curse of freshers flu...it made me miss out on all those clubbing "how dirty can you get" events down at the Venue too, what a shame. On Registration Day I had to pull myself out of bed (no pun intended) and happened to meet, among all the other people throwing themselves at my feet desperately wanting to meet me, a memorable girl who was definitely on top of everything, with it and up-to-date when it came to her studies. Which, by the way, was rather intimidating, and ever more so for the drowsy state I was in. We happened to have one common module for which she was, naturally, very organised and knowledgeable. Having picked up on my general lack of awareness as to what was going on, she thought it was about time to exterminate any crucial course-related defficiency within me. It was upon hearing that I hadn't already gone to get every single book from every single reading list for every single one of my modules that she rushed me to the library and showed me the way to Enlightenment. It all reposed on a Virginia Woolf book which, after being ruthlessly kidnapped from the shelf, lay on the side of my bed; neglected. Considering its superb purpose in decorating my room, I returned it to its place of origin a few days later. Now maybe that's where my phobia for going on a book hunt in the library originates from. Having been prematurely and forcefully thrown in there, the idea of having to find books haunts me. But today my friends, today is a day of grand revival and celebration. I looked up the reference for the books, found my way to the right level of the library and found them right away, as if led by some mysterious force - Virgina Woolf's ghost perhaps? Ladies and gentlemen, the times they are a-changin'; good old Bob was spot on.

Secondly, I bought the greatest birthday present anyone could ever wish for - and it only cost me *drum roll* £1.25! Bargain. It goes by the name of "SpyEar" and it is the "new millenium design for anyone who wants to be a spy!". Now who in their right mind would not be won over by such a mind blowing gadget? It is the best, I promise you. It even comes with TWO extra batteries for "even more Spy Power!". I sure hope you'll get yourself down town and get your hands on one of these secret sound amplifiers. Alternatively, let me know when your birthday is. "You can investigate 24 hours a day, at any place. Even the bad guys will not be able to keep secrets from you if you use your SpyEar." Come on, let your inner spy be all ears - it's now or never, or at least until the stocks run dry.

As I walked from one place to another, I repeatedly saw things that made me smile. Everywhere I went shouted out memories of good times I'd had with people, I was reminded of things I'd laughed about with friends, I saw things that carried me back to that moment when... And I love the simple fact that smiles are contagious.

When I got home a 'pre-goodbye' letter with an enclosed picture of a beauteous sunset was waiting for me. The letter brought many more smiles enlaced with thankful tears. Each word came out of a heart that is obeying His calling, and spoke of His faithfulness throughout times of uncertainty and doubt. God gives and takes away, and though saying goodbye is something I'm still not comfortable with, I am so thankful for the beautiful blessing of a season by the side of my precious friend - I'm hoping there'll be more of those times in the years to come :)

All in all, today was a jolly good day.

Unspoken Prayers

With the time I had on my hands between two classes today, I read an article by Mart de Haan on the heartache of unanswered prayer. I guess my "prayer life" has been somewhat interesting of late; the outpour of my heart has been full of joy and at the same time, full of pain. Joy: on the behalf of others, for the great things happening in their lives, and for the exciting things God's been uncovering for me too. Pain: weighing on my heart for the people I need to let go of, but mostly from seeing friends broken beyond my reach, beyond my eventual healing touch, beyond my ability to fix anything for them.

My eyes water. Silent tears roll down my cheeks. No words are uttered; my prayer.

My notebook can't contain the emotions my pen fails to transcribe.

I sit in silence and trust He sees the heartache enclosed in every tear He catches.

Mart de Haan's concluding words are what stuck with me:

"What is most important is that our faith not fail, that our hope not die, that our love does not give up, and that our endurance not cave in before God has a chance to show what He has planned for those who trust Him.

What is most important is that we learn to thrive on what God gives, while bowing low when He withholds."

In this time when my words aren't enough to speak of the storm inside, I try to remember that He alone understands my friends' pain and confusion. He alone knows how to give comfort and courage and strength to get through, one day at a time. I cling on to the fact that at the lowest point in His life, even Jesus cried out "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?". I remind myself that He knew more about pain and evil than anyone else around Him—yet didn't teach His followers to wave their fists against heaven nor to curse the darkness. There's a lot to learn from the fights He didn't start against heaven, from the cursing He abstained from, and the depths of despair He gloriously overcame. Even though He loved so deeply, He didn't go mad out of His concern for others. I am to love intimately, but hold loosely. God is in control. He really is.

"When the Son of God left heaven to become the Son of man, He voluntarily laid aside the boundless understanding that He shared with His Father. And when, in the dark corridors of human experience He walked into a house of mourning, He cried. As He approached moments of separation from those He loved the most, He sweated and struggled in great agony before saying, 'Nevertheless not My will, but Yours be done.' In all these ways He showed that trusting the unseen hand of God is not just an event but a learned process." - Mart de Haan

And on the road to beautiful, my seasons always change

But my life is spent on loving You

To know You in Your power and pain

You're my portion in this life,

You're my strength now in my fight

And to You I pledge my heart

In the pain and in the dark I'll love You.

- Charlie Hall -

All That Is Solid Melts Into Air

Socrates' student, Plato, had already witnessed the instability of morality within his Athenian hometown. At the dawn of modernity, Durkheim prophesized the incompatibility of modernity with morality, the nature of the two contradicting one another. He had the insight to see that in the long run, modernity would undermine morality. Today, Jon Snow plays Moses on Channel 4, while 40 000 people in the UK play God and vote the New Ten Commandments. In an ever increasing atomised, individualised and fragmented society, we have squeezed out the possibility for too much social solidarity to arise and mend people together in brotherhood. Consequently, we've lost the tools and the language to guide us. In the shared lack of desire to put our faith in an external source of authority, we have decided to lean on our own personal morality instead. An oxymoron gaining increasing cultural currency. The top 20 Commandments to choose from were "upbeat, positive, and lacking the fire and brimstone of the ancient 'thou shalt nots'."

Be honest.
Don't kill.
Look after the vulnerable.
Repsect your mother and father.
Enjoy life.
Nothing in excess.
Be true to your own God.
Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Be true to yourself.
Protect your family.
Try your best at all times.
Look after your health.
Don't commit adultery.
Live within your means.
Appreciate what you have.
Never be violent.
Protect the environment.
Protect and nurture children.
Take responsibility for your own actions.
Don't steal.

Pick and choose; compile your own morality.

In our post-modern era, there is no absolute truth. We like to see all sides of the argument as to why moral issues arise. We couldn't possibly content ourselves with the fact that there's a standard we've fallen short of. A rigid moral code is no longer accepted, and definitely unfashionable. It was to be expected; we need room for the grey in between the black and white.

Over 3 000 years ago, when the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. Moses chiselled away at the stones and left a legacy that some deem irrelevant today. Take your eyes off Mount Sinai, switch your imagination off; let the television speak. See what the British voted from their sofas in their lounge, beguiled by the screen. Applaud the final winners:

Treat others as you would have them treat you.

Take responsibility for your own actions.

Do not kill.

Be honest.

Do not steal.

Protect and nurture children.

Protect the environment.

Look after the vulnerable.

Never be violent.

Protect your family.

Even though seven of the original ten were dropped, it's interesting to see that that these New Ten Commandments are still very much anchored in the Christian ethic - only God has been taken out of the picture. It makes things easier to have no external constraint nudging you to stay on the straight and narrow.

"All that is solid melts into air ... all that is holy is profaned"